Zachary Levi vs. Ryan Reynolds
Battle of the Charming Smarmsters

In one sense, it must be great to have a fully formed mini-me running around Hollywood, playing the parts you don't have time to play, delivering the jokes you don't have time to deliver, all the while spreading goodwill on your behalf, since most of the people watching don't have a clue that this little double isn't, in fact, you.

In another sense, however, it would suck. Think of the brand dilution! Think of the kooky mix-ups! Think of the groupies you'd like to score with but who think they've already been scored upon by you, and thus shun you and cross you off their list and move on to Danny Masterson?

First, a little history: Perhaps you've been watching Less Than Perfect, the charming, albeit suitably titled, sitcom that stars Sara Rue, Andy Dick, and Not Ryan Reynolds. Not Ryan Reynolds, a.k.a. Zachary Levi, plays Kipp Stedman, the vaguely prissy, kinda charming, and totally smarmy co-worker who looks, talks, and acts exactly like Ryan Reynolds, but is Not Ryan Reynolds. He's more like Ryan Reynolds Lite. He's Ryan Reyntofutti. He's "I Can't Believe It's Not Ryan Reynolds."

Which is weird, because Ryan Reynolds -- of National Lampoon's Van Wilder "fame" -- isn't even really that famous himself. So the fact that there's now a legitimate "Ryan Reynolds type" is a tad unnerving.

We kind of like Ryan Reynolds, Van Wilder and all his other films notwithstanding. He's smarmy, but in a charming way. He was the best thing in the unbearable trailer for The In-Laws, narrowly beating out Albert Brooks's toupee. (If he'd been literally beating Albert Brooks's toupee, or Albert Brooks, for that matter, we might have actually gone to see the film.)

This quality -- this volatile hybrid of smarm and charm -- is something we like to call "chwarm." We could have called it "shwarm," but then it would have sounded too close to "shawarma," which is one of our favourite Middle Eastern treats, and our affection for which far outstrips our affection for both Mr. Levy and Mr. Reynolds put together, chwarm or no chwarm.

Anyhoodle, we must have watched, oh, three or four full episodes of Less Than Perfect before we figured out that Sara Rue's chwarmy sidekick wasn't, in fact, Ryan Reynolds. We literally squinted at the TV. We literally said, "Come on? Really? No, really?" This was also odd, given that we were alone, eating shawarma.

But he isn't. He's Not Ryan Reynolds. He's Zachary Levi, who, come to think of it, is younger and cuter than Ryan Reynolds, and thus may one day out-chwarm the master. We can easily imagine them facing off, with Levi saying, "When I left you, I was but a learner. Now I am the master," to which Reynolds replies, "Only a master of chwarm, Zach." Then they both smirk, and smirk, and smirk, until one falls screaming to his knees, eye sockets smoking.

Advantage: We've got to give it to Ryan Reynolds, despite Levi's age and cuteness edge. Because, if you're constantly mistaking one person for another person, the advantage really belongs to the person you're mistaking for, not the person you're mistaking, yes?