Kangaroo Jack. Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead. Privateer 2: The Darkening. What do they have in common, other than being completely terrible movies? They're completely terrible movies that star Christopher Walken.

Because Christopher Walken is not a bad actor -- he has already won one Oscar, and been nominated for another -- and because he does also frequently star in movies that aren't completely terrible, we have only one explanation for Walken's apparent willingness to tarnish his reputation with dreck like The Country Bears, Nick of Time, and this week's Gigli: in order to get Christopher Walken to be in your movie, even if it is clearly going to suuuuuuuck, all you have to do is ask him. Apparently, he'll do anything if you just ask him. You don't even have to ask him nicely or pay him very much. What else will Christopher Walken do, if you ask him? Why, lots of things!

Make you some flapjacks

Pick you up at the airport

Walk you down the aisle at your wedding

Co-sign a personal loan

Write a blurb for the jacket of your novel

Alphabetize your CDs

Visit your mom in the hospital

Help you move

Suicide Kings

Give you his last piece of gum

Let you cheat off him on your Calculus final

Bury your dog (after it dies)

Play a cowboy at your nephew's fifth birthday party

Relief-pitch in the eighth

Your taxes

Get your back in a bar fight

Wait for the cable guy

Skim your pool

Make you a prom dress

Feed your cats when you go out of town

Haggle with a used-car dealer

Confirm your alibi

Delay your spouse from coming home when you've planned a surprise party

Give you a pedicure

Be your child's godfather

Mop up your basement if it floods

Conceal evidence

Tell you if you have something on your chin

A little dance