Handed a year where the top nominees are the likes of Letters From Iwo Jima (huh?) and The Queen (zzzzz), it's hard to get that excited about the films. Fortunately, we can still work up some passion for the fashions -- or, at least, what we are guessing the fashions will be like.

Best-Dressed: Wow!

Jennifer Hudson: Any time a woman manages to achieve some level of fame without starving herself down to grey-alien-like creepy translucence, she is fêted for flaunting her curves, admired for staying true to herself, and scrutinized mercilessly for her choices in formalwear. Past Oscars have featured Kathy Bates and Queen Latifah as the standard-bearers for carb consumption, but this year that mantle falls on the shapely shoulders of Best Supporting Actress nominee Jennifer Hudson. Heavily (no pun intended) favoured to win in her category -- having basically swept every other ceremony leading up to the Academy Awards -- Hudson must go with a gown that will show off her assets not just on the red carpet, but on stage as well. She has yet to make a sartorial misstep we've seen (we're still daydreaming about the navy number she wore to the Golden Globes), so there's no reason to think that her Cinderella story will end with her in anything that doesn't look like it was lovingly assembled by singing cartoon mice. (In a good way.) Odds: Even

Maggie Gyllenhaal: In the past, she's had some problems. Well, she's had two problems. Two droopy, unsupported problems dangling pendulously in her bodice. ...Boobs, people. Yes, as if the double-a in her surname stood for "Always Alfresco," Gyllenhaal has been photographed with her boobs hanging low, wobbling to and fro, and so forth. However, two things have changed. (a) Gyllenhaal gave birth late last year to her first child, and as even the most modestly endowed lady knows, once nursing has become part of one's lifestyle, so too must a supportive brassiere. (b) Gyllenhaal was denied a nomination for her widely praised work in Sherrybaby, so she's got something to prove. (c) Gyllenhaal was tapped as the host for the technical awards, meaning she'll need to sparkle and shine both in the outfit we see her wearing in clips from that ceremony as well as in the dress she wears to the "real" Oscars we'll be watching. We trust that she's surrounded by people who know the importance of making a good impression with one's outfits -- you know, now that her brother's broken up with Kirsten Dunst. Odds: 3 to 1

Ryan Gosling: Some of us have known for years that the boy is both scary talented and one tasty piece of bitch, but this is his first chance to demonstrate at least half of that to the world. Sure, he's made statements with his clothes before -- we seem to recall a Darfur t-shirt at the MTV Movie Awards a couple of years back -- but nice Canadian boys don't choose international awards-show telecasts to draw attention to their artistic integrity and iconoclasm with some queer doubleknit orange tuxedo or calculated scruff. This is Gosling's chance to break out as a celebrity on the world stage, and the best way to do that is to dress as if you were playing a young George Clooney; if this pays off, Gosling will have years ahead of him to grunge it up, Depp-style. Odds: 5-2

Worst-Dressed: Woof!

Helen Mirren: We're not here to run down Oscar's silver foxes: Mirren is hot; we hope our rack looks half as good as hers does when we're in our sixties. But the rack has been sort of an issue. Perhaps out of fear of further reprisal -- such as that following her "ass over tit" crack at the Emmy awards last fall -- she's erring on the side of frumpy caution, swathing the redoubtable dames in too much fabric, thus drawing attention to their magnificent heft. We also wonder if she might need a proper bra fitting...but we digress. Mirren is a lock to win Best Actress, but we're not so sure she'll be Best Dressed. Odds: 4 to 1

Patricia Field: Well, this one is just too easy. This crazy mofo is the one responsible for the ridiculous get-ups Carrie Bradshaw wore in Sex & The City -- hot pants with suspenders with a tube tops with cowboy boots, topped off with a glen plaid cloche hat with a teal felt flower pinned to it, and okay, we might have just made up that example, but you're probably picturing it and thinking we're not that far off from reality. Now she's nominated in the Costume Design category for dressing the catfighters in The Devil Wears Prada. It seems like a no-brainer that she'd just pick out a tasteful gown from...you know, Prada. But our idea of a no-brainer is never in line with Field's, so we're going to put our money on her grabbing something from Emily Blunt's movie wardrobe, touching up her screaming-orange hair, and scaring children all over the world. Odds: Even

Cameron Diaz: Look, even under the best of circumstances, Cam doesn't acquit herself too well. The year of Gangs Of New York, she was all crunched-up hair, too much eyeliner, and a crazy hippie necklace worn as a belt. And her gig presenting at this year's Oscars aren't the best of circumstances: she's just broken up with Justin Timberlake, and her star is in rapid decline. She could have the best revenge by showing up looking gorgeous, but since fellow presenter Reese Witherspoon will already be doing that, Diaz is more likely to fulfill her destiny as our generation's Sally Kellerman. A boob pop-out may not be out of the question. Odds: 3 to 1

Wild Cards - What in the hell...?

Melissa Etheridge: Let's not mince words: Best Song performer Etheridge is going to be the night's second-most-famous (out) lesbian at the Kodak, and she's not going to want to pull focus from host Ellen DeGeneres. But since DeGeneres is already on the record as saying she'll be performing in a nice tuxedo, Etheridge may try to prove that not all lesbians follow the same fashion playbook by rocking a tastefully elegant gown -- or even a coloured pants suit. Then again, she may just try to out-dyke DeGeneres in an outfit sponsored entirely by REI.

Eddie Murphy: You would think that Murphy wouldn't risk his Dreamgirls-led comeback by showing up in some outlandish ensemble. But then, you would also think that Murphy wouldn't risk his Dreamgirls-led comeback by following Dreamgirls with Norbit, and here we are. All we're saying is that the man's in good shape: that red leather suit from Delirious might still fit.

Beyoncé Knowles: Overlooked Dreamgirls chanteuse Knowles is so very hard to pin down. Lord knows she can wear a gown, and she isn't afraid of bling, bright colours, busy prints, spangles, sequins, crystals, high-cut slits, low-cut bodices...look, she's just not scared. And if the outfit she happens to be wearing was designed by her crazy-ass mother, it might encompass all of the above. Also, did we mention that Knowles is not just appearing at the awards to support Dreamgirls, but will be performing one of its nominated songs as well? That means she'll have at least two gowns: two opportunities to screw it all up. Please let her stay out of the House of Dereon.

Sacha Baron Cohen: Nominated in the Best Adapted Screenplay category for the Borat movie, Cohen has received a signal honour extended to few comedic talents. The question is, will he try to surpass the spectacle provided by Trey Parker and Matt Stone the year they were nominated for the South Park movie? Remember? They came in drag. If Cohen decides to go with his real-life persona, he'll make a fine showing as a handsome young gentleman. If not, get ready to see that droopy grey suit again. Of course, it'll all be worth it if he can somehow contrive to make Joan Rivers smell it.