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Sure, Kathy Baker may appear as a lovable and supportive mom to Jennifer Garner in 13 Going On 30, but don't be fooled. Just ask the neighbours how lovable she is. She might be hugging Garner with one hand, but you can bet she's holding binoculars to spy on that adulterous Mrs. Cannongate across the street in the other.

We just don't trust Kathy Baker. Maybe she's a nice lady. Maybe she really means it when she says "welcome to the neighbourhood" and holds out that big basket of preserves. But you just know she's hiding something -- like maybe A FAKE HAND!? Just like she did on Boston Public, when she played that mean, cold lady who tortured her poor son, then cut off her hand with a chainsaw, and then she started sleeping with the vice-principal, and then we stopped watching Boston Public because really, it's getting ridiculous, already.

Or maybe she's just a big, sleazy, horny neighbour lady, like she was in Edward Scissorhands, in which she played "Joyce Monroe, Neighbor." Look what she did to poor Edward when he wouldn't satisfy her sleazy, horny-neighbour needs!

We're not really sure why Kathy Baker makes such a good conniving meddler. Maybe she was warped by playing the wholesome and worried wife of Alan Shepard in The Right Stuff, her very first film role. Or maybe it's because she's from Midland, Texas, which -- sorry, Midland, Texans -- sounds like exactly the kind of place where your neighbours can't be trusted not to rat you out when they see you smooching a high-schooler at the local Motel 6.

But whatever the reason, if there's a movie or TV show or TV movie that involves a small and perhaps not-quite-what-it-seems town, or a community that's suddenly gripped by conflict because certain people in the neighbourhood just can't keep their noses out of other people's business, well, don't be surprised if one of those business-smeared noses belongs to Kathy Baker. And don't be surprised if the business smeared on that nose is yours! Don't say we didn't warn you!

Or rather, don't say that movies like The Glass House or Nobody's Child or Not in This Town didn't warn you.

So if she shows up on your doorstep, be suspicious. Don't sample her preserves, and don't take your eye off her for a minute, or she'll have that fake hand on your windpipe in no time, and those preserves will be that last thing you ever taste, you adulterous bastard.