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Do you think Patrick Cranshaw gets enough respect? You know, for someone who's roughly eighty-five years old? Who's been playing Grandpas -- literally -- since before you were born, whippersnapper?

Well, consider this: Despite the fact that he appeared recently in both Old School and Breakin' All The Rules in high-profile comedic cameos, he's not listed in the IMDb cast at all for the latter movie, and he's waaaaaaay down the list for the former.

In fact, if you were, say, hoping to identify the really, really old man you saw in Breakin' All The Rules -- the one you recognized but whose name you didn't know -- you might have to resort to Googling the words "breakin all the rules" and "old man."

And when that doesn't work, you might even have to resort to-- oh, I don't know -- typing in "breakin all the rules" and "my dick."

And then -- voilà. You shall be led to Patrick Cranshaw.

Patrick Cranshaw's first screen credit was in 1960, in The Seventh Commandment. He then spent a very brief period in the late '60s as Hey! It's That Bank Teller, playing bank clerks in both Bonnie and Clyde and Bandolero!.

But he found his career niche in 1970, when he played "Grandpa" on Green Acres. In a later episode that same year, he played "Old Man." He then started decade-hopping through such hits as The Bob Newhart Show, Mork & Mindy, Wonder Woman, Hunter, Quantum Leap, and Coach, playing such characters as "Old Gentleman," "Old Man," "Codger," "Old Man," "Old Man," and "Mr. Knickerbocker."

And that's just on the small screen. He's also put the "silver" in "silver screen" -- or, more specifically, the "Old Man" in silver screen -- playing such unforgettably aged roles as "Grandfather," "Grandpa," "Gramps," "Old Man," "The Old Man," "Man on Gurney," and "Man Dying In Elevator."

Patrick Cranshaw, we don't just love you. We're in love with you.

But wait. We know what you're thinking. What does he do in these films? Does he just stand around and be old?

And what does all this have to do with "my dick"?

Well, in Breakin' All The Rules, Cranshaw plays a senile hospital patient whose one recurring joke is that he keeps asking Gabrielle Union to "hold [his] dick." (Wow! This movie really does break all the rules!) You may also remember him from Old School, in which he played "Blue," an aged gent who dies while wrestling two topless women in a plastic pool of KY Jelly. Ah, Hollywood -- where the elderly are ushered through their golden years with dignity and respect.

That is, when they're not being horny. Or rapping. 'Cause that shit is just funny.

Still, we say: All hail Patrick Cranshaw. He is the King of the Codgers, the Emperor of the Elderly, the Grand Poobah of Grandpas.

And, Patrick Cranshaw, though we have no interest in actually holding or even seeing your dick, we'd happily "hold your dick," if by that you mean "respect you" or "give you our sincere praise." Yes, we'd hold that dick, Mr. Knickerbocker. Any time.